the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
