dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Randomize
