it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
