Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
