So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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