We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
