I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
