I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
