Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
