420 ftw
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
