We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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