halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
