the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
MIDGETS
????
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
