I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
