Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
