is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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