well I can't set my house on fire every night
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
