Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
