I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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