I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I have peed in a lot of sinks
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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