I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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