How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
