ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
