you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize