Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
