Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
