Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
