You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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