this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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