Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
NoShamevember. You game?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Randomize
