if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
