i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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