fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
even my farts smell like vagina
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
