That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
