i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize