i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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