i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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