I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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