I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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