On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
