You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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