I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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