I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
