they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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