you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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