i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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