do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
