we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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