Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
