He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
