Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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