My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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