May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
