I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
