you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
