shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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