You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
