Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
