On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
