oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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