they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
