Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
we're chasing vodka with high fives
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize