I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize