Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
