I'm lost and stupid without you.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
