At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
