Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
