after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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