If that was your dad, he is hot
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
