i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
