This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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