I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize