So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
